My name is Daria Chen and I am the Community Advisor here at Bay Area Youth for Justice. In a time like today with the ever lurking COVID pandemic and the rising discussions about racial injustices, it is easy to get overwhelmed. Not being able to see your friends, go on vacation, and having evidence of the daily trauma that POC’s receive because of their skin color all can make us go pretty crazy. That’s why here at BAYFJ, we wanted to dedicate our first segment to the importance of mental health.
Growing up, I have always been a silent sufferer. If something bothered me, I would ponder it by myself but never say a word about it to others. It never occurred to me that this was a bad thing. All the adults in my life at the time praised me for how grown up I was at such a young age, and always described me as being so mature for my age because of this. Even today, this is my downfall. On March 26th of 2019 I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, and a panic disorder. I would be started on daily medications and weekly meetings with a psychologist.
During the few months leading up to my diagnosis, it became harder and harder to conceal how badly I was doing. I began having panic attacks during French class, after piano classes, and even when I was just thinking about the future. I would sleep for the whole evening after school just to escape and then stay up to ungodly hours to finish my homework. It was a cycle of pain and numbness that I didn’t know how to stop. During my annual physical that year, I tried to describe what I was feeling to my pediatrician. She brushed it off because I was sitting there, smiling and looking happy, so that obviously meant that I was fine. I found that many of the adults that I confided in shared similar ideas, that looking happy and not speaking your truth meant happiness. This is not the case. Everyone has a different definition of happiness, but over the years I have found that being genuine with yourself and others is what makes the difference when it comes to being happy. Ever since I have started feeling more and more like myself, I have made it my mission to be that unbiased, non judgemental person that I wish I had had in my time of need.
This was not meant to be a sob story in any way shape or form. In order to combat the stigma around mental health, there needs to be more open discussions about its importance and about each other’s stories so that we can learn from each other.
Our thoughts are like a massive knot of threads. The more we think about them, the more confusing and tangled they can become. By having resources and people to talk to, the knot becomes smaller and less of a burden. Everyone deserves the right to be happy, and even if you don’t think that you do, you can’t truly be there for others until you are there for yourself.
